Dear Diary,

Necie may or may not get her back pierced for her corset obsession. But whether it'd work or not is the deciding factor. Tomorrow is the day of choosing. Or at least finding out more...

Wishlist:
Kogrnyar booties
Ice cube bowl atomiser
Corset piercings
JOB!!!

I'm such a slacker... I never get anything done. Right now, I have no idea what's going on in two of my five measly little subjects and my world is made of mess. I will get something going, some day... right now my mind is still zombie. Safety does that to you... Maye I should move to Borneo...

News:

I wrote bible slash, but it's te type of slashing that's halfway between friendship and romance and all our smut, but at the state where thing have to stay that way... I don't believe in romance.

Snowy got a kitty, she doesn't much liek him... I've seen her once and I want again. She's purdy. Mike got his shots today. He looks a bit dazed, but then, that could just be his face... Typhon managed to avoid going vet. He must be getting old now, but he's so little!!! (Yes, Necie, mice are made that way...) I liek my mousie.

So... how you doin'?

Dear Die-ary,

Remember my "Angsty Past of Today"s? And my obsessive compulsive lyrics posting? Today I bring to you it's hybrid, created by mainstream pop music. Eminem and Christina are so so pop. Oh come on.

Angsty Past of Today #1
Once upon a time there was a girl. In her early years she had to learn how to grow up living in a war that she called home, she never knew just where to turn for shelter from the storm. It hurt me to see the pain across my mother's face every time my father's fists would put her in her place. Hearing all the yelling I would cry up in my room, hoping it would be over soon.

Bruises fade, father, but the pain remains the same, and I still remember how you kept me so afraid. Strength is my mother for all the love she gave. Every morning that I wake I look back on yesterday and I'm OK.

I often wonder why I carry all this guilt when it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built. Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door: the echoes of a broken child screaming please no more. Daddy don't you understand the damage you have done? For you it's just a memory but for me it still lives on.

Bruises fade, father, but the pain remains the same, and I still remember how you kept me so, so afraid. Strength is my mother for all the love she gave. Every morning that I wake I look back on yesterday.

It's not so easy to forget all the marks you left along her neck, when I was thrown against those stairs. And everyday afraid to come home in fear of what I might see next.

Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same, and I still remember how you kept me so afraid. Strength is my mother for all the love you gave. Every morning that I wake, I look back on yesterday and I'm OK.

Angsty past of today #2
Yeah, I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now, but hey, what daddy always tell you? Straighten up little soldier, stiffen up that upper lip. What you crying about? You got me.

Hailie I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad when I'm gone, but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had. I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh. I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry cos you're scared I ain't there. Daddy's with you in your prayers. No more crying, wipe them tears. Daddy's here, no more nightmares. We gonna pull together through it, we gonna do it. Lainie uncle's crazy, aint he, yeah? But he loves you girl and you better know it. We're all we got in this world when it spins, when it swirls, when it whirls, when it twirls. Two little beautiful girls lookin' puzzled, in a daze. I know it's confusing you - Daddy's always on the move, mamma's always on the news. I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems the harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me. All the things growing up as daddy that he had to see, Daddy don't want you to see but you see just as much as he did. We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me, but things have got so bad between us. I don't see us ever being together ever again like we used to be when we was teenagers, but then of course everything always happens for a reason. I guess it was never meant to be, but it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is. But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep. Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream.

Now hush little baby, don't you cry, everything's gonna be alright. Stiffen that upperlip up little lady, I told ya Daddy's here to hold ya through the night. I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why we feel how we feel inside. It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby, but I promise momma's gon' be alright.

It's funny, I remember back one year when daddy had no money, Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me cos daddy couldn't buy 'em. I'll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night crying cos daddy felt like a bum, see, daddy had a job, but his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom, and at the time every house that we lived in either kept getting broken into and robbed or shot up on the block and your mom was saving money for you in a jar, trying to start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college. Almost had a thousand dollars 'til someone broke in and stole it. And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart, and it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart. Mom and dad was arguin' a lot so momma moved back onto Chalmers in a flat one bedroom apartment, and dad moved back to the other side of 8 Mile on Novara, and that's when daddy went to California with his CD and met Dr. Dre and flew you and momma out to see me. But daddy had to work, you and momma had to leave me. Then you started seeing daddy on the T.V. and momma didn't like it, and you and Lainnie were to young to understand it, that Papa was a rollin' stone, momma developed a habit, and it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it. I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand cos all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud. Now I'm sittin in this empty house, just reminiscing. Lookin' at your baby pictures, it just trips me out to see how much you both have grown, it's almost like you're sisters now. Wow, I guess you pretty much are and daddy's still here. Lainie I'm talkin' to you too, daddy's still here. I like the sound of that, yeah. It's got a ring to it don't it?Shh, momma's only gone for the moment

Now hush little baby, don't you cry, everything's gonna be alright. Stiffen that upperlip up little lady, I told ya Daddy's here to hold ya through the night. I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why we feel how we feel inside. It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby, but I promise momma's gon' be alright.

And if you ask me to, Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird. Imma give you the world. Imma buy a diamond ring for you. Imma sing for you. I'll do anything for you to see you smile. And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine, Imma break that birdies neck. I'll go back to the jeweller who sold it to ya and make him eat every carat. Don't fuck with dad.

Dear Diary,

$600 paycheck's still not in. Xanga keeps dying on me. Bits at a time. I have a new fooble now. And stuff.

Snow's party was yesterday. I originally could stay the night but certain parental evilness (I'm not kidding, jubies) forced me to go home in the dead of night to my empty house, which according to my daddy, would have to be achieved by me walking to the station (there are no trains between 1 and 4 am), catching a train all on my onsies, and walking 2 kilometres to my deserted house (my family were on ANZAC hols in the blue mounts) OR catch a ride with otherwise occupied family friends. IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!!!!! Compare the safeness levels of me staying at the house of someone who I spend most my time with, often at that very house, and with the company of a bunch of friends I trust, to walking out to penny and catching CITYRAIL transport and walking home alone to a deserted house in a neighbourhood I don't like being a part of.

Evelyn's friends held a suprise party for her at our house, and I cleaned the house in its entirity to make it somewhat presentable to our visitors. I am also babysitting, feeding, and to a certain extent, entertaining them, coz the rest of the family's again out at a family dinner thing. Grandma's over, y'see.

Harley drove me home so it's a little bit gooder, but she was sick and low on petrol and I was gonna get her some but there was no servo open.

Pyrotechnics. Or pyromanics. We made things boom boom at evatt for par-taiye. Including cityrail tickets and hackysacks and black powder. I HEART my zip!!!!!!! {l} (iono if these still work...)

There's nothing like-a living in a brand new home.

We just got our carpets cleaned by my aunt and it stinks a fucking shitload. The dogs aren't allowed on carpet anymore and they're distressed. There's a fan airing mum's room and spreading said diseased smell throughout the house.

Dear Die-ary,

Thanks ComfortInUncertainty, beautifully_bound and Modern_Day_Prophet for s'cribing. I have been neglecting my xanga.

I bought a tiny denim skirt and a men's tee on sale and I have already hacked up the tee to make my jesus rag. I think it looks cool... The skirt's been redded and I'll be embroidering on it in my spare time, of which I will have very little.

Necie's dancing. Sunday was the first rehearsal and I learnt two dance routines that I'll have to write down and practice. The pay hasn't been confirmed but if I don't get the $400 I'll hold it against Chris for all eternity. I was there from 0945 to 1730 and danced continuously from 1100 til 1700. No lunch break. Is that legal? Anywho, most of the other dancers were anorexic or otherwise, so they didn't complain.

It was Snowy's birthday yesterday and I went over to his house. Good fun all round. Parents and sister left the house to us for a few hours of shopping. Filled a beanbag, watched some kenshin, played some rubix and chess. We onlined later and I gently reminded the peeps it was Snow's thpethoo day while he was gone for a few minutes. Then come influx.

Eve needs me go go now. Grandma's on oz and we're wanted for lunch. As in the company...

Well I'm back for a little while before we go back to where I just came for feeding, but I have to type up the routines for easier editing and such. I've never figured out a way to do it really clearly, so I'll have to make do... Snowy's driving today and he'll be at the lan tomorrow, so I won't be seeing him until Wednesday week earliest, I'm dancing all day Thursday through to Tuesday.

To le dance.